关于有趣的英语笑话精选？
民间笑话是一种颇受人们喜爱的民间叙事型别,材料丰富,有广泛的现实基础。我精心收集了关于有趣的英语笑话，供大家欣赏学习!
关于有趣的英语笑话篇1
Gates of Heaven
A guy arrives at the pearly gates, waiting to be admitted. St. Peter is reading through the Big Book to see if the guy's name is written in it. After several minutes, St. Peter closes the book,furrows his brow, and says, "I'm sorry, I don't see your name written in the Book."
"How current is your copy?" he asks.
"I get a download every ten minutes," St. Peter replies, "why do you ask?"
"I'm embarrassed to admit it, but I was always the stubborn type. It was not until my death was immanent that I cried out to God, so my name probably hasn't arrived to your copy yet."
"I'm glad to hear that," Pete says, "but while we're waiting for the update to e through, can tell me about a really good deed that you did in your life?"
The guys thinks for a moment and says, "Humm, well there was this one time when I was drivin' down a road and I saw a giant group of biker gang members harassing this poor girl. I slowed down, and sure enough, there they were, about 20 of 'em torturing this poor woman. Infuriated, I got out my car, grabbed a tire iron out of my trunk, and walked up to the leader of the gang. He was a huge guy; 6-foot-4, 260 pounds, with a studded leather jacket and a chain running from his nose to his ears. As I walked up to the leader, the bikers formed a circle around me and told me to get lost or I'd be next.
"So I ripped the leader's chain out of his face and *** ashed him over the head with the tire iron. Then I turned around and yelled to the rest of them, "Leave this poor innocent girl alone! You're all a bunch of SICK, deranged animals! Go home before I really teach you a lesson in PAIN!"
St. Peter, duly impressed, says "Wow! When did this happen?"
"About three minutes ago."
关于有趣的英语笑话篇2
Happy Sinner
Upon entering the confessional, a young women spilled the beans, admitting: "Last night my boyfriend made mad passionate love to me -- seven times."
The priest thought long and hard, then said, "Take seven lemons and squeeze them into a glass, then drink it."
The young woman asked, "Will this cleanse me of my sins?"
The priest said, "No, but it will wipe the *** ile off your face."
关于有趣的英语笑话篇3
A Religious Bear?
In the middle of a forest, there was a hunter who was suddenly confronted by a huge, mean bear. In his fear, all attempts to shoot the bear were unsuccessful. Finally, he turned and ran as fast as he could.
The hunter ran and ran and ran, until he ended up at the edge of a very steep cliff. His hopes were dim.Seeing no way out of his predicament, and with the bear closing in rather quickly, the hunter got down on his knees, opened his arms, and exclaimed, "Dear God! Please give this bear some religion!"
The skies darkened and there was lightning in the air. Just a few feet short of the hunter, the bear came to an abrupt stop, and glanced around, somewhat confused.
Suddenly, the bear looked up into the sky and said, "Thank you, God, for the food I'm about to receive...."
关于有趣的英语笑话篇4
You Get What You Pray For
This lady approaches a priest and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have these two talking female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing." "They only know how to say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?'"
"That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed, "but I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two talking female parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots who I taught to pray and read the bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn to praise and worship the Lord."
"Thank you!" the woman responded.
So the next day, the lady brings her female parrots to the priest's house. The priest's two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage.
The lady puts her female parrots in with the male parrots and the female parrots say, "Hi, we are prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?"
One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and exclaims, "Put the beads away. Our prayers have been answered!"
关于有趣的英语笑话篇5
FOUR CATHOLIC LADIES
Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together. The first one tells her friends, "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."
The second Catholic woman chirps, "My son is a Bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, 'Your Grace'."
The third Catholic woman says *** ugly, "My son is a Cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, 'Your Eminence'."
The fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence. The first three women give her this subtle "Well.....?"
She replies, "My son is a gorgeous, 6'2", hard bodied stripper. When he walks into a room, people say, 'Oh my God...'."
关于幽默英文小笑话大全
互联网不仅是我们生活中不可缺少的，而且也是我们工作学习之余缓解压力、舒缓情绪的重要渠道。正是由于我们有这样的需要，网络笑话得以繁荣兴盛。本文是关于幽默英文小笑话，希望对大家有帮助! 关于幽默英文小笑话：Doctor's Wife A doctor and his wife were having a big argument at breakfast. "You aren't so good in bed either!" he shouted and stormed off to work. By midmorning, he decided he'd better makeamends and phoned home. After many rings, his wife picked up the phone. "What took you so long to answer?" "I was in bed." "What were you doing in bed this late?" "Getting a second opinion." 关于幽默英文小笑话：Blind Date A young playboy took a blind date to an amusement park. They went for a ride on the Ferris wheel. The ride completed, she seemed rather bored. "What would you like to do next?" he asked. "I wanna be weighed," she said. So the young man took her over to the weight guesser. "One-twelve," said the man at the scale, and he was absolutely right. Next they rode the roller coaster. After that, he bought her some popcorn and cotton candy, then he asked what else she would like to do. "I wanna be weighed," she said. He really latched onto a square one tonight, thought the young man, and using the excuse he had developed a headache, he took the girl home. The girl's mother was surprised to see her home so early, and asked, "What's wrong, dear, didn't you have a nice time tonight?" "Wousy," said the girl. 关于幽默英文小笑话：Bingo Winner This guy had a very attractive wife, who was always wanting clothes, jewelry, etc., but he was not too well off. One day his wife came home with a diamond neckless. The guy asked: "Where did you get that?" His wife replied: "I won it at bingo." The next night she came home with a mink coat. The guy asked: "Where did you get that?" His wife replied: "I won it at bingo." The next night she came home with a Mercedes Benz. The guy asked: "Where did you get that?" His wife replied: "I won it at bingo. Please go upstairs and run my bath for me." His wife came upstairs to find a very small amount of water in the tub. The wife asked: "How come you put so little water in the tub?" The guy replied: "I didn't want you to wet your bingo card". 关于幽默英文小笑话：Slow Driver Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies -- two in the front seat and three in the back - eyes wide and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?" "Ma'am," the officer replies, "You weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers." "Slower than the speed limit?" she asked. No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly... Twenty-Two miles an hour!" the old woman says a bit proudly. The State Police officer, trying to contain achuckle explains to her that "22" was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error. "But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask... Is everyone in this car ok? These women seemawfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time." the officer asks. "Oh, they'll be alright in a minute officer. We just got off Route 119." 关于幽默英文小笑话：The Carburettor "The car won't start," aid a wife to her husband. "I think there's water in the carburettor." "How do you know?" said the husband scornfully. "You don't even know what the carburettor is." "I'm telling you," repeated the wife, "I'm sure there's water in the carburettor." "We'll see," mocked the husband. "Let me check it out. Where's the car?" "In the swimming pool."
幽默简短的英语小故事
幽默简短的英语小故事 篇1 The Old Cat：An old woman had a cat. The cat was very old; she could not run quickly, and she could not bite, because she was so old. One day the old cat saw a mouse; she jumped and caught the mouse. But she could not bite it; so the mouse got out of her mouth and ran away, because the cat could not bite it. Then the old woman became very angry because the cat had not killed the mouse. She began to hit the cat. The cat said, "Do not hit your old servant. I have worked for you for many years, and I would work for you still, but I am too old. Do not be unkind to the old, but remember what good work the old did when they were young." 幽默简短的英语小故事 篇2 Everybody dreams of doing something important. As a boy Raymond dreamed of being a scientist,infact, he is a postman now. Raymond is an active young man. He livesby the saying“If you can't live the life you love, love the life you live”He greets everyone with a big smileand afriendly“Hi, howare you?”And he really wants to know! It's hardto feel unhappy when we hear him whistling happily up and down the street. 幽默简短的'英语小故事 篇3 Not long after my sister's wedding，one of my father's colleagues and his wife dropped in to see Mom and Dad.The guests had not been invited to the wedding, so when the woman said，”I'm sorry I didn't get over to the church the other day，”Mom assumed she meant the church's Good Cheer Club Tea and Bazaar. "I'rn glad you didn't.”Mom replied.”You never saw such a mob scene!""I thought I'd like to see how everyone was dressed，"the guest said."What did you wear?" "Just my old navy print and my oxfords,“said Mom，"and a good thing，too，as we cleared almost a thousand dollars. " "Did you take a collection?"the woman gasped.“ "Oh, no，“said Mom，"you know how it is，a lot of people come just to look and you don't make a thing out of them，so we decided to charge admission at the door.” At this point Dad realized signals were crossed，and he suggested to Mom that she explain that my sister's wedding had been neither a mob scene nor a profit-making venture. 幽默简短的英语小故事 篇4 A big一city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher's prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed. The rancher claimed that the bull must have been hit by the train, and wanted o be paid the fair value of the bull. The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of the peace in the back room of the general store. As soon as the rancher showed up, the attorney for the railroad pulled him aside and tried to get him to settle out of court. The lawyer did his best selling job, and finally the rancher agreed to take half of what he was asking. After the rancher had signed the release and took the check，the young lawyer couldn’t resist gloating a little over his success，telling the rancher, "You know, I hate to tell you this, old man，but I put one over on you in there. I couldn’t have won the case. The engineer was asleep and the fireman was in the caboose when the train went through your ranch that morning. I didn’t have one witness to put on the stand. I bluffed you!” The old rancher replied，"Well，I’11 tell you，young Teller, I was a little worried about winning that case myself, because that darned bull came home this morning.” 幽默简短的英语小故事 篇5 One day, Robin Hood went hunting alone in the forest. He had told his men that if he should fall into any danger and could not escape he would blow his horn so that they might know and come to help him. When he was crossing a river by a long bridge he met a huge man at the middle. And neither of the two would give way to the other. Robin Hood got angry and put an arrow to his bow and made ready to shoot. The stranger said it was unfair for Robin Hood to shoot a man who had only a staff in his hand. Hearing this Robin Hood lay down his bow and pulled up a small tree and returned to the stranger. 幽默简短的英语小故事 篇6 A farmer is wondering how many sheep he has in his field, so he asks his sheepdog to count them. The dog runs into the field, counts them, and then runs back to his master. "So," says the farmer. "How many sheep were there?" "40," replies the dog. "How can there be 40?" exclaims the farmer. "I only bought 38!" "I know," says the dog. "But I rounded them up." 幽默简短的英语小故事 篇7 Many years afterreceivingmygraduatedegree, I returned to the State University of New York at Binghamton as afacultymember. One day in a crowdedelevator, someone remarked on itsinefficiency. I said the elevators had not changed in the 20 years since I began there as a student. When the door finally opened, I felt acompassionatepaton my back, and turned to see an elderly nun smiling at me. "You'll get that degree, dear," shewhispered. "Perseverance is a virtue." 幽默简短的英语小故事 篇8 A newly married woman was sitting on a chair, looking vexed, when her husband came home. "What's up? Why do you look so troubled?" the husband asked. The woman replied, "I'm so sorry. I was ironing your new suit and burned a hole in your trousers." And the man said, "That's all right. I have another pair that is exactly the same." "Thank God you do. I used it to mend this pair," the wife responded. 幽默简短的英语小故事 篇9 A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God, she asked if this was it. God said, "No you have another 43 years, 2 months, and 8 days to live." Upon recovery the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face lift, lip-suction, breast augmentation, tummy tuck, etc. She even had someone come in and change her hair color, figuring since she had so much more time to live, she might as well make the most of it. She got out of the hospital after the last operation and while crossing the street was killed by an ambulance speeding to the hospital. Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 40 Years? "God replied, "I didn't recognize you." 幽默简短的英语小故事 篇10 The parents with their three-year-old son went to see film. When they walked into the cinema, the attendant said to them, “you’ll have to go out if your son cries. But we’ll refund you the tickets.” About half an hour later, the husband asked his wife, “What do you think of the film?” “I’ve never seen such a boring film.” His wife answered. “It’s not worth seeing.” “I don’t think much of it, either.” The husband said. “Wake the child up and let him cry.” 幽默简短的英语小故事 篇11 A hillbilly was visiting the big city for the first time. Entering an office building, he saw a pudgy older woman step into a small room. The doors closed, lights flashed, and after a while the door slid open and a beautiful young model stepped off the elevator. Blinking in amazement, the hillbilly drawled, "I should have brought my wife!" 幽默简短的英语小故事 篇12 Mr. Johnson had never been up in an aerophane before ， so one day when a friend offered to take him for a ride in his own small phane, Mr. Johnson was very worried about accepting. Finally, however, his friend persuaded him that it was very safe, and Mr. Johnson boarded the plane. His friend started the engine and began to taxi onto the runway of the airport. Mr. Johnson had heard that the most dangerous part of a flight were the take-off and the landing, so he was extremely frightened and closed his eyes. After a minute or two he opened them again, looked out of the window of the plane, and said to his friend, "Look at those people down there. They look as small as ants, don't they?" "Those are ants," answered his friend. "We're still on the ground." 幽默简短的英语小故事 篇13 A blind man was waiting to cross the road when his guide dog cocked its leg, then urinated on its owner. Calmly, the blind man reached into his pocket and took out a biscuit for the dog. A passerby who'd seen everything remarked: "That’s extremely tolerant of you, especially after what he just did.” "Not really，”came the reply. "I’m just finding out where his mouth is, so I can kick him in the nuts.” 幽默简短的英语小故事 篇14 Oscar drove his brand new Mercedes to his favorite sporting goods store. He parked it outside and went in to do a little perusing with Jan, his regular sales woman. Jan was a pretty blonde, and as Oscar walked into the store, she happily greeted him. But he re- quested to look around alone today before he needed her help. She obliged and let him do his thing. Five minutes later, Jan came run- ping up to him yelling, "Oscar! Oscar! I just saw someone driving off with your new Mercedes!” "Dear God! Did you try to stop him?" "No,”she said，"I did better than that! I got the license plate number” 幽默简短的英语小故事 篇15 A famous game theorist, having won the Clark prize, was set to give aseries of lectures at prestigious universities throughout the northeast. For thetask, he hired a car and driver to take him from place to place . With nothing else to do, the driver would sit in on the highlytechnical lectures. After several lectures, the driver commented to theeconomist, "You know, I've heard your lecture so much that I think I coulddeliver it myself." The economist found this idea intriguing and decided toswitch places with him at his next lecture. The driver gave the talk flawlessly. However, after the lecture, some onein the audience asked him a rather technical question that the driver had noidea how to even begin to answer. The driver considered it for a moment, andthen replied, "That question is so easy, even my driver can answer it." 幽默简短的英语小故事 篇16 The miserly millionaire called a family conference, “ I’m placing a box of money in the attic,” he said.” When I die, I intend to grab it on my way up to heaven. See to it that no one touches it until it’s my time too go.” The family respected his wishes. After his death, the millionaire’s wife looked in the attic. The box was still there. “ THE FOOL!” she said. ”I told him he should have put it in the basement.”
英语简短幽默的小故事有哪些？
Talkingclock\x0d\x0a会说话的钟\x0d\x0aWhileproudlyshowingoffhisnewapartmenttofriends,acollegestudentledthewayintotheden."Whatisthebigbrassgongandhammerfor?"oneofhisfriendsasked."Thatisthetalkingclock,"themanreplied."How'sitwork?"\x0d\x0a\x0d\x0a"Watch,"themansaidandproceededtogivethegonganearshatteringpoundwiththehammer.Suddenly,someonescreamedfromtheothersideofthewall,"Knockitoff,youidiot!It'stwoo'clockinthemorning!"\x0d\x0a一个学生带他朋友们参观他的新公寓，甚是得意。“那个大铜锣和锤子是干什么用的？”他的一个朋友问他。“那玩意儿厉害了，那是一个会说话的钟”，学生回答。“这钟怎么工作的”，他的朋友问。“看着，别眨眼了”，那学生走上前一把操起铜锣和锤子，拼命地敲了一下，声音震耳欲聋。突然，他们听到隔壁墙那边有人狂叫，“别敲了，你这白痴！现在是凌晨两点钟了！”\x0d\x0a\x0d\x0a这是第一篇~\x0d\x0aAmangoestochurchandstartstalkingtoGod.Hesays:"God,whatisamilliondollarstoyou?"andGodsays:"Apenny",thenthemansays:"God,whatisamillionyearstoyou?"andGodsays:"asecond",thenthemansays:"God,canIhaveapenny?"andGodsays"Inasecond"\x0d\x0a\x0d\x0a一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.他问:"主啊,一百万美元对你意味着多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又问:"那一百万年呢?"上帝说:"一秒钟."最后男子请求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士吗?"上帝回答:"过一秒钟."\x0d\x0a\x0d\x0aFourbestfriendsmetatthehospitalsincetheirwivesweregivingbirthstotheirbabies.Thenursecomesuptothefirstmanandsays,"Congratulations,yougottwins."Themansaid"Howstrange,I'mthemanagerofMinnesotaTwins."Afterawhilethenursecomesuptothesecondmanandsays,"Congratulations,yougottriplets."Manwaslike"Hmmm,strangeIworkedasadirectorforthe"3musketeers."Finally,thenursecomesuptothethirdmanandsays\x0d\x0a"Congratulations,yougottwinsx2."Manishappyandsays,"Ironic,Iworkforthehotel"4Seasons."Allthreeofthemarehappyuntiltheyseetheirlastbuddyjumpingallovertheplace,cursingGodandbanginghisheadonthewall.Theyaskedhimwhat'swrongandheanswered,"What'swrong?Iworkfor7up"!\x0d\x0a四个好朋友在医院里碰面了,他们的妻子正在生产.护士过来对第一个男人说:"恭喜,你得了双胞胎."男人说:"多奇怪呀,我是明尼苏达双子队的经理."过了一会儿,护士过来对第二个男人说:"恭喜,你得了三胞胎."男人很喜欢:"嗯,又巧了.我是3M公司的董事."最后,护士跑来对第三个男人说:"恭喜,你得了2对双胞胎."男人很开心地说:"真令人啼笑皆非,我为四季宾馆工作."他们三个都很高兴,但第四个伙伴急得像热锅上的蚂蚁,咒骂上帝并用头撞墙.他们问他有什么不对劲,他回答道:"什么不对劲?我可是在七喜公司工作呀!"\x0d\x0a呵呵,一个比一个效率高.
